Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I love you.
Bad choice
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
