I wish I could punch you in the face.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
