i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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