she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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