The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
