I love watching others lives come down to our level.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
