Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
