I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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