beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
