After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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