the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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