i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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