That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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