I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
