I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
did i just pee glitter
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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