Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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