Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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