gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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