I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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