Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
