You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
