I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
