Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
They took my balls.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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