addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
