yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
