You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
