Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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