Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
