Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
