Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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