Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
