Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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