haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
