I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
