Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
