Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
