someone get that fucking seahorse.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
