He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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