how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
