so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
