If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
