There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
