I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
