y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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