In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
