I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
