It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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