I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
