That's when you crack a 10am beer
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize