Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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