also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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