seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
