now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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