The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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