i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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