my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize