if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
