He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You made out with two different species that night
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
