I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dating After Heartbreak
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(