If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.