I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath