awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
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at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
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I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in