4 words: hood of his car
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
True strength comes from lack of pants
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.