Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
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Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
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Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.