dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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