Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
