Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
