I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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