I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
