Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
