508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
