Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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