You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
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What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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