Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
