in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
